you're stuck with me 'til the end

Is there anything you need to be forgiven for?

If I were to list every single thing I've done that I should probably be forgiven for, we'd be here all damn month. When I was younger, it was the stupid stuff. But now that that I'm older, I've done a lot of worse things then drinking too much or driving recklessly.

[This was supposed to help. It was therapy after all, right? Ugh!]

Mostly? For not being there. Jordan and I were always stronger when we were together and having that terrible fight and not being there...

It eats away at you knowing things could have and would have been different had I only been there and we didn't let our sheer stubbornness get in the way of our friendship.

[She knew what Adonis would say though when she talked to him next. It was the same thing he said every time they ran into each other. It wasn't only her fault. There were other factors in play. But it didn't make it easier. Not by a long shot. She would get there. It would take time, but she would get there.]

What would you tell your teenage self?

Though she loathed to admit it, maybe writing that letter had helped. Even if just a little bit. She wouldn't be a diehard or anything but writing had always been a good outlet for her.

It sounds trite but my biggest piece of advice for my younger self is:

Don't be so obsessed with becoming an adult so quickly. It's highly overrated. Though, yes. You do get to day drink and eat cake for breakfast if you so choose.

But, enjoy your teenage years.

Most importantly, hold your friends and family close. You just never know what's going to happen in an hour, a day, a week... it doesn't matter. Tell them you love them and don't let one (or three) arguments get out of hand; admit your mistakes and move on.

Write a letter to someone currently in your life about the things you aren’t ready to talk to them about.

[The window had been open on her laptop for a long time, the blinking curser practically mocking her. Therapy. Hah! Who thought this had been a good idea? Oh. Right. She did. Well hell.]

Ben

Adonis

[This was for her, no one else was going to read it. So. Why was this so hard? Oh right, because it's supposed to be. It's therapy. If it was easy, everyone would be getting help. Right?

She sighed.]

Hi.

[Well. That's a good start.]

I'm sorry.

[She released a long pent up sigh.]

It's been a while since we last spoke or last saw each other. How are you? I'm... okay. I mean, I'm getting there. I'm further along since then.

I'm really sorry, Adonis.

I know a lot more now than I did then...hell, more than I knew last year. I felt guilty and almost responsible for so fucking long because I wasn't there to help or to save them.

I miss them every single damn day and if I do, I can't imagine what hell you've been through.

I thought when we had that final job taking out the last of them that it would be over and things would be okay again but it wasn't. Things don't feel okay. I guess I never fully grieved for them. I kept moving from one place to another to run from the memories and myself.

He would have been proud of you - of how you turned out. I know that. Both of them would have been.

I'm proud of you too. Not sure how much that means coming from me. We were always at each others throats but I see why now. More clearly than ever before. We were a lot alike.

I miss them and I miss you.

Let's grab a drink sometime.

-Le Piper